Thursday, December 31, 2009

Meaning and purpose

If you know me (meaning you're actually a family member or a friend), you'd know that I'm someone who really speaks her mind. So this mommy blog will be very honest and I plan to write how I feel about this pregnancy--all the wonders and worry, the joy and, yep, all the pain in the ass! I'd like this mommy blog to be different.

OK!'s managing editor Lana Chan said she's very interested in the stories Vince and I have to tell because, unlike most folk, we never thought we'd become parents. We like kids but the thought of them didn't consume us. So Lana said this is the first time she's seen people who aren't hysterical about the whole thing and she's right--parents can be so exasperating with their "Omigod, this is the BEST thing that can happen to you. EVER! Children are the GREATEST MIRACLE! Your life will NOW HAVE MEANING! You now have a PURPOSE!"

That kind of talk really scares me and saddens me. You see, Vince and I are writers. Since we were kids, we knew we have but one mission and purpose in this life and that is to write. Write! Then I also happen to be a Born-Again Christian and I had that other great purpose drilled into me--to serve God and do His will. So my life always had meaning. It had never been empty or aimless.

This New Year, it is my hope to share with you that your life doesn't just rest on your parents, your job, your money, not even your family. Those won't last. I know this because my mother died not too long ago and though my heart still grieves, I am happy. This year, my husband's magazine, which he loved like his own child, was closed and we were devastated... but we are still happy. We lost a lot of money this year, which was a huge blow, but miraculously, we now end 2009 with more than we started it with! There is deep joy in my life, with or without the things I have because my purpose and meaning rest in my God.

God is more than enough. Everything else--my writing, my wonderful husband, my friends, my family, my work--these are incredible blessings from a God who loves me. He gives and He takes away. That is why we cannot put our purpose and meaning in temporal things. And y'all know children do one thing really well: They leave you as soon as they can!

Little Jelly Bean is an amazing gift and we'll take care of this baby and love it to bits. I also hope that we will teach Jelly Bean that he/she is a wonderful human being on his/her own and that his/her purpose in life is to use his/her talents to make this world a better place, and that it is his/her service to God and man that makes life meaningful. If we can teach Jelly Bean that, then we have done our job as parents.

So Vince and I are so cool about the pregnancy. Super chill. Like, normal. I pray for little Jelly Bean every day but mostly I forget about being pregnant because there's so much going on in my life! Hopefully, we'll still have our heads firmly screwed on when the kid comes along and it's screaming its head off! God help us when that time comes!

*Clip art licensed from the Clip Art Gallery on DiscoverySchool.com

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

How I found out about Jelly Bean

In mid-December, I was seriously suspecting I was pregnant. I had missed my period and I never miss a period. Because I've been on the pill forever, I'm super regular that I can even predict not just the day but the exact time my period will arrive (between 11:30am to 12 noon. Always!).

But the previous month being extremely stressful, I figured the missed period could've been caused by stress. Then I went up a cup size. Now I've been an A all my life and, at 33, this can't be late-onset puberty... and yet I dismissed it again as extra poundage caused by stress eating. But when I started crying at the strangest things and getting really tired and sleepy, well... I bought pregnancy kits. And almost fainted at the double lines! Positive!


Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Jelly Bean at 5 weeks

These were taken on December 12.
And that's why we call the baby Jelly Bean.

Although now that he/she is 7 weeks old, he/she resembles a fish!

Monday, December 28, 2009

The new adventure has begun

Hello, dear readers! Welcome to my new blog. If you got here from Topaz Horizon or from Beauty For A Living, then I'm happy to see old friends accompany me on a new journey.

Well, folks, I'm 7 weeks pregnant. I'm feeling okay--barring the usual morning sickness, breast tenderness, frequent bathroom trips, lower back ache, fatigue, emotional roller coaster and hunger pains round the clock, of course. Some days, I forget I'm pregnant since I still look and feel the same. Some days, I'm paralyzed with fear and worry and "What have I gotten myself into?" thoughts. Then there are days I'm just overwhelmed with bliss and anticipation.
We got pregnant 2 years and 7 months after this happy occasion.

My husband, Vince, on the other hand, is just thrilled. He says he sometimes gets worried, too, but he mostly feels wonderful. I envy him for feeling just one emotion (happiness) about the pregnancy since my feelings are all over the place. All the pregnancy books say it's perfectly normal for me to feel mixed emotions--blame the hormones, they all reassure. Yes, the hormones sure are wreaking havoc on my emotions. I'm also blaming all the sudden changes in my body (see second sentence of this blog post!), which, at this point, are quite alarming.

All the books tell me I'll start enjoying the pregnancy once the 4th month kicks in--that's when the nausea ebbs and the emotions steady. I'm really looking forward to that! And to hearing my little one's heartbeat. Right now, the baby is just a little jelly bean looking nothing like a human being. But we adore Jelly Bean already! We are praying with all our might that its little heart will start beating soon so that our tremulous hopes will be assured.

Please breathe a prayer for my safe and healthy pregnancy, dear friends. This is one adventure we never thought we'd venture into--selfish, ambitious people that we are--but now that it's here, against all odds!, it's all we think about!