Monday, January 4, 2010

Eighth week! (And how I'm really feeling)

So today means I'm officially 2 months pregnant, but since conception happened only about 6 weeks ago, Jelly Bean is really about 6 weeks old. If you're a mommy reading this, you know that made sense. If you're not a mommy, then you realize how absolutely confusing that statement is. And to be honest, everything about pregnancy is leaving me in a confused state.

I'm still waiting for the overwhelming joy everyone trumpets about in such shrill tones. First, how can anyone feel deliriously happy about this constant state of nausea, fatigue, hunger and a dozen aches and pains everywhere? Then there's my lank oily hair and my pimply skin. Actually, I'm fine with all of that except for the hunger. This hunger is insane. I'm hungry all the frikkin' time. It's a hunger that consumes you absolutely. All you think about is food, food, food. I don't even think about my chores, my family, my work--I'm just all about the food and it's maddening and depressing.


Then the irony that makes me weep is yes I'm hungry but because of the nausea, I don't want to eat! Or I do eat but I end up eating bland food. Or I do eat then throw it all up. The other night, I had a sudden craving for Sango burgers, the succulent Japanese burgers with the special meat sauce. It's late at night but I get my husband to dress up and drive me to Power Plant hurry hurry I want a Sango burger now now now. We get there, I'm almost feverish with excitement, but when we open the door to Sango and the smell of burgers hit me, I wanted to run run away from that god-awful stench. I ended up eating a katsudon half-heartedly.

I'm glad I found some online forums of preggy women. There, I found a lot of women going through the same hell. And sharing this pain and fear and anxiety with women who know exactly what I'm going through makes me so relieved and happy because this really isn't the Best. Thing. Ever! that everyone claims it to be. Why do people lie like that? And why do they shove that lie so frantically down our throats? I'm grateful to the few moms who are honest. For example, Jo-Ann, my mentor, told me she hated being pregnant so much, she never got pregnant again, hence her unica hija.

I feel so weird really. I feel like my own body has become a total stranger and I really don't know what to do with it. What makes it worse is the absolute delirium of people around me, telling me, "You have to be happy! You have to eat! You have to be grateful!" Dammit, I am eating! And seriously, when it's just me and the little Jelly Bean, I am happy and grateful. I usually chat to Jelly Bean aimlessly, sometimes even ribbing, "You're so tiny but you're already giving mommy a hard time. But better now than later, right?"

Eight weeks today. I know that Jelly Bean's eyes are there and eyelids are now forming over those eyes. The rest of Jelly Bean's face is taking shape, too. The hands and feet are there and, most importantly, its little heart is now beating! I haven't had an ultrasound yet so I haven't had that satisfaction. I'm excited about that--I want to see Jelly Bean and I want to hear that little heart beating because I know, just know, that once I do, then all of this will be worth it.

22 comments:

  1. congratulations on the news, frances! i have two children and had three pregnancies. unfortunately, the second one was unsuccessful and it was also the worst 8 weeks that i went through. i disliked how i had to always have to carry 2 water bottles, one for drinking and one for pouring on the parking lot ground after driving to work (i can't get how i suddenly had motion sickness). i certainly disliked how i felt the urge to eat all the time and yet when the food was there all i could stomach was 2 bites. and most of all, i hated how people treated me like i cannot do the things i used to (i worked retail management with my second child) yet i still can do them better than the guys. i always continued to let them know that i still am me and they better not piss off this preggo because it was not gonna pretty. i still let them know who was boss at work AND let my hubby baby me ... after all, it is hard work to be pregnant! just let me know if you need any other thoughts and suggestions. good luck

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  2. Oh, Geni! That's true with me, too! I tell people all the time, "I'm pregnant, not disabled. Let me help!" But yes, being pregnant is hard work so I guess I should welcome all the babying from people =)

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  3. It's worth it. I have 30-year-old proof. Yep.

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  4. Hi Tito Henry! Yes, that daughter of yours sure is a rare jewel. =) If I can have a kid half as nice and smart and sweet as Mariel, I'd pat myself on the back and say, "Well done, well done." =)

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  5. I love kids.. but I hate getting pregnant. I felt so ugly and fat.. I have two boys, 4 years apart. I have my stretch marks as a reminder of those 9 months. I want to have a girl, but I want to skip the pregnancy part. =)

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  6. congratulations!

    stay away from tuna by the way! when i got pregnant, i stayed away from it after i read that it has high levels of mercury that might hurt the baby.

    :)

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  7. Hi Frances! I have 3 kids, the youngest one only 8 months old and I experienced the worst morning (all-day!) sickness with her. The heightened sense of smell went way overboard when I could smell what people had for breakfast in the elevator! Gross! Even water would make me gag. I lost 11 lbs the first trimester. It does get better with time though. I hope your pregnancy goes well. :D

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  8. Mai Mai, let's adopt! =)

    Bianca, and that's another reason I'm so upset. I love tuna! I really really love tuna!

    Menchie, ako rin, I feel like I've lost weight. Which is so strange kasi kain ako nang kain (kinda).

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  9. Hi Ms Frances! I remember the nausea-- i hated it too! and i hated feeling tamad all the time, but when i hit my 2nd trimester, it went away! i hope yours goes away too! right now i want to eat everything, and everyone i see tells me im so big (some of my old titas even say it in a horrified voice), and that gets to my nerves too.

    Having a baby is great but all the changes are frustrating too.

    Congrats again! :D

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  10. Hi Frances! I'm following you here, too. I remember you leaving a comment on my blog not to feel pressured on getting pregnant and you said that you were kind of ready since everythings falling into place. :) I know we don't know each other personally but I'm happy for you and Vince. What a way to start 2010! :)

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  11. My second pregnancy was sooo hard, I swore I won't do it again. And to think that the first one was a breeze! When I learned that I was pregnant the second time, it took me a week to finally process and accept it. I was married already. I just felt like I can't take 9 months of super eating, mood swings, unbearable heat and a huge tummy again. LOL.

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  12. Yay, we can swap mommy stories! I love! I didn't go through morning sickness with Laz, honestly, but I was sleepy sleepy sleepy a LOT and ate like a construction worker!! Solid! Have you started rubbing cocoa butter on your tummy? You must! Keep lotion in your bag, bedside, on your desk at work. Even before the tummy starts getting itchy, keep lathering the lotions - to keep the stretchmarks at bay!!!! I did baby oil AND cocoa butter! Fight the stretchmarks!!!

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  13. Oh Billie! Are you about to give birth na ba? I'll go to your blogger event para we can chat. =)

    Hi Cris! Thanks =)

    Kaith, like they said, every pregnancy is different. I was hoping, though, that this pregnancy (which I think will be my first and last! Hehe) will be fantabulous. Actually, it's okay naman, eh. Yung gutom lang talaga, at yung kain nang kain--I don't like food that much!

    Anna, where can I buy cocoa butter? I haven't rubbed anything on myself yet kasi I'm too tired to do anything! Oh, pwede ba yung body butter ng Body Shop? I don't like the smell of cocoa butter kasi =(

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  14. This is great news, Frances. Congratulations! :)

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  15. Frances! From what I've heard Palmer's is the only thing that works. Tried butters from body shop - nothing worked. I did try one organic lotion by BioEnzyme Plus. Okay sya kasi tlgang nabura yung major centipede marks lol! I'm buying you one when I go visit the shop soon! :-) I posted it in KikayCorner last yr, will look for the link when I'm in my workstation. Mobile mode ako now.Hihi!

    I didn't get marks until a couple of wks before I gave birth. Kala ko takas na ko non.Hehe.

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  16. oooh FYI there's Sango na rin in Shang (6f) just in case you find yourself craving for their yummy burgers again! mas malapit! hehe!

    I'm excited to find out if Jelly Bean's a girl or boy! Haha I want to buy something na for your baby shower! LOL

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  17. My friend who was pregnant used Palmer's Anti-Stretchmarks Butter and she doesn't have stretchmarks :) This one is available at Rustan's.

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  18. I really am out of the loop!! You're preggy? We're you on the pill when you got preggy or stopped it na? Got scared tuloy. hahahaha! i can relate to you post preggy worries... i'm scared of getting preggy too so i'm taking my time (hence, pills). but i hope in the ned, its everything they say it is, wonderful and exciting. :)

    CONGRATULATIONS!!! I'm sure Jelly Bean will have a fun time inside your tummy. :)

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  19. Thanks, Ivy (Spinning Lovely Days)!

    Jennie, my favorite mommy! Yes, I'll try Palmer's but I really don't like the smell of cocoa butter so we'll see!

    Oh Kabbie, ang sweet mo talaga! Basta wag mo kong dalhan muna ng Sango--di ko ma-take yung amoy!

    Teeyah, no stretchmarks??? I am buying Palmer's Cocoa Butter this weekend!

    Shen!!! I was on the pill but--if you were reading my Topaz Horizon blog--I was super stressed around November and kinda missed a few pills ehehehe. It is exciting! It's miserable sometimes, too, but wonderful also, I guess (ask me again when the nausea is over!)

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  20. Here's the link, Franz, to the lotion I used. http://www.kikaycorner.net/2008/08/stretch-marks-try-bioenzyme-lotion.html

    I'm keeeping you and Jelly Bean in prayer. Be safe! Mwah!

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  21. Hey Frances! Have you subscribed to babycenter.com? They've been a big help to me, aside from reading the book (What to Expect When You're Expecting). They sent me weekly emails on what I should expect or problems that I'll be encountering on a weekly/monthly basis). :)

    Oh, and regarding hunger pains. Wait until you're breastfeeding. I'd wake up in the middle of the night, super hungry—felt like my stomach was eating itself! :o

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  22. Thank you for your honesty. :) It doesn't just make the blog interesting to read, but gives moms to be a realistic view of what happens during pregnancy.

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This is all pretty new to me so please feel free to share your mommy wisdom!