Monday, March 7, 2011

To get pregnant or not to get pregnant?

When Vito lost his newborn scent--the most wonderful smell in the world!--I declared, "I want another baby." He lost that smell when he was just a month old so you can imagine my husband's shock. When Vito turned 2 months old and he started having a personality (haha), Vince chimed in. We want another one!

But Vince did research and said, "It's best for both mother and child to have a two-year gap." Those two years allow the mother to recover, to gain strength for the next pregnancy, to lessen the risk of miscarriage, and to let baby enjoy breast milk without having to share with a new sibling.

But! If I wait till Vito's 2, I'll be 36.

So let's list PROs and CONs here.

PRO
1. I'll have kids who are so close in age, they'll be friends!
2. I'll have a new baby while my body's still used to this sleepless regimen.
3. I'll have a new baby! Period.

CON
1. I'll have kids who are so close in age, they might become rivals!
2. I really don't want to get pregnant again. Ya know, the uncertainty, the paranoia, the nausea, the fatigue, the endless trips to the bathroom, the heaviness, the bloat, the weird food cravings, the hormonal mood swings, the "Nothing fits!", the "Am I fat?", the constant guessing game of people ("You're having a boy. You're ugly!").

Yeah, I was such a bitch when I was pregnant. Reading my blog posts when I was preggy, I'd catch the whiny, bratty tone. I was so unpleasant, I tell ya. Vince insists I wasn't--just really weepy and insecure--but I know I was unhappy and ungrateful. I regret that. I was so cavalier with my pregnancy--sleeping late, not taking my prenatal vitamins, working hard, watching gory stuff on TV, eating fatty and sugary stuff. Bad habits a pregnant woman, in her delicate state, shouldn't have. I'm so glad Vito's perfect!

If I do get pregnant again, I'll be a better mommy. But I can't promise to avoid the ice cream and cake!

11 comments:

  1. My kids are 20 months apart. Second one was not planned. It was really hard in the beginning - I was exhausted (but I lived abroad with no help or family at that time), I felt bad for Gael who wasn't even 2 and didn't always get my full attention, and getting out of the house with 2 kids below two was a major event. BUT, now that they are older I am so glad I over that they are close in age. Had waited I might not have had a second one.

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  2. Maybe 1.5 years? Maybe start trying again when Vito is 1. When I saw my sister's baby, I said to myself, I want another one! :)

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  3. My kids are also twenty months apart, and yes, it was hard at the beginning, but now, at 5 and 3 1/2, they are best friends - they play together CONSTANTLY, and that actually makes it easier! They adore each other (except when they dont ;)).

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  4. Hey Frances,

    Same here. I have a boy (eldest) and two girls but the first two are 2 years apart. That was exactly how I felt when my son was around 6 months old. I would get a bit sad every time I got my period. The second one was unplanned but my pregnancy was textbook and I felt and looked great -- waaaay better than the firt time.

    But I agree with Rone that it is HARD when they are both young. Even with help. They both needed attention and I was also a working mom so I always felt guilty. But now that they're turning 9 and 7 respectively, it's been great. They can play together now and although they do fight a lot (as did my sister and I) they are very close.

    So good luck whatever you decide. :D

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  5. Hi! I have three kids, spaced 3 years apart but the second one died and now the first and the third are 6 years apart. They get along just fine (maybe because they're both girls) but I would have loved it if they were spaced three years apart. It's the sleepless nights all over again after being used to having a little kid who is independent. I guess it depends on what you really feel, you are going to be carrying the baby for 9 months after all and carrying for him/her. Don't worry, every pregnancy is different. I was really bitchy on my first pregnancy but it changed during the second and third. In the meantime, while you are pondering this, enjoy the process! Tee hee!

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  6. Oh no, Cheann! So sorry for your loss :(

    Thanks, everybody, for your stories. It didn't occur to me that taking care of two babies will be extra difficult. All I thought about was I don't want to be an old mommy haha. Well, we'll see! :)

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  7. Thanks Frances. It has been almost four years but we have given it to a higher power and we have grown stronger and closer because of this. :)

    Don't be discouraged on having a second baby, it is really hard at first (well, like most new things) but it well get better with time especially when you see them getting along.

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  8. hi Frances

    My little boy just turned 1 year old when I found out I'm pregnant. My mind was still winding down from his 1st birthday party. It was a real shocker but now that I'm on my 5th month I can't wait to see my little boy (yeah, its another boy). And like what I wrote as comment in one of your post, I'm giving birth at St Lukes Global! Yay!

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  9. Hi Cheann, that still makes me sad. I'm glad you are both better. Having lost my mother, I know grief is a terrible thing. I wish you all the love and strength and joy in the world!

    Dr. S! Congratulations! So excited for you! Little boys are love =)

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  10. Frances, yes it is sad but I guess, it is part of life. We just think that his purpose in life, although a short life, has been done. Same to you and with your boys on your side, you have all the strength and love you will ever need! :) Thanks, you really are a very caring person. Vince and Vito are very lucky to have you. Good bless always!

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  11. hi frances :) we're also thinking about when to have another baby. i really have hesitations, as working parents we really only have time for our kid during the weekend so we're not sure how we can manage with a second one. of course there's financial considerations to think about pa. i posted about this and some moms posted their own thoughts too at my blog. thanks for sharing your thoughts on this :D good luck to us!

    http://manilamommy.com/2011/01/planning-kid/

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This is all pretty new to me so please feel free to share your mommy wisdom!