Wednesday, May 18, 2011

I'm okay with not being a perfect mommy (and I'm sure my kid is, too!)

Stay still for the picture, Vito!
When I started this blog, I promised I'd be honest, brutally so, about motherhood. That honesty appealed to a lot of readers.

That honesty also offended a lot of people who believe mothers should only be sweet, warm, loving and kind. Mothers are not supposed to have any negativity, never get tired, never complain, never have a career, never look good, never cry for herself, never make time for herself, never ever think of anything but her child. That's what mothers are supposed to be.

Well, I'm a mother and I get sad, I get annoyed, I get tired—no, I get exhausted,  I lose my temper, I get sick, I forget to brush my hair, take a bath, change my pooped-on shirt. I don't sterilize, I don't do organic, I get confused, I give the baby to the yaya or my husband when I'm tired or sleepy or getting deaf from all his tantrum screaming (ah yes, at 9 months old, we're already at that stage). I lose control of schedules, I miss appointments, I want to miss appointments, I roll my eyes at fake crying, I give the baby tiny bits of chocolates to reward him for doing a trick much like how a dog trainer rewards good puppies, I tell the kid to sleep so I can sleep, read, bathe, eat, make love to my neglected husband, and, oh yes, I fail.

He's a handful but we survive each other!
Oh God, do I fail. Every day is a day of many triumphs and just as many failures. But hey, Vito's happy and healthy if not a bit sweaty, dirty and maybe even stinky, and I can live with that. I even cuddle and kiss that sweaty, stinky baby because that's the best thing in the world to do. And I believe all the good mommies will agree with me. Except that—I forget, silly me!—good mommies never have sweaty, stinky babies!

23 comments:

  1. Oh ha ha! Loved this post Frances! Well said! Huge part of being a mom is the GUILT. Guilt that you're not sweet enough to your kids, patient enough, etc. But yes, my kids get yelled at when they don't listen and they watch tv and think Doritos is a major food group. We can't all be Mary Poppins and she wasn't even a mother!

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  2. Yey for this post!! :)

    Very well said nga :)

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  3. Well written piece.

    There is no right or perfect way of mothering.
    I believe that all mothers have the same hopes and aspirations for their young ones. And so we moms should support one another in this journey that is motherhood :)

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  4. High-five and hair-flip on this one Frances!

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  5. I agree and good for you, God bless!

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  6. You said it right mommy. Minsan its frustrating that you cannot do it all, but what can we do, we have a lot in our mind and we can only do so much. However, we are still appreciated and loved even we are not perfect... that's good enough right??

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  7. Hehehe, this is such a refreshing read Frances :) we all have our own imperfections (in our own terms) but hey, the kids are growing up just fine I guess.

    I can so relate to "giving the baby to yaya" when I want to have some alone time, like watching my fave series (an episode or two would do hehe)

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  8. hahaha, this is such a refreshing read. we all have our own imperfections (in our own terms) but the kids are growing up just fine naman :) (fingers crossed)

    I can so relate to the "I give the baby to the yaya or my husband when I'm tired" statement. My version of this would be giving the baby to yaya when I want to catch an episode or two of my fave series :)

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  9. Very well said Frances!! I TOTALLY agree with you!

    I have a similar post in my draft folder and now I have the inspiration to complete it! haha!

    Take care girl. Vito is lucky to have a mommy like you because you love him so much. And that's what matters most.

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  10. bless you frances. i'm a loren haggarda mom and i've learned to accept that and the mess that my little family makes everyday. i should post a pic of me when i'm with dw the whole day but i might scare the readers...and my husband haha :D

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  11. this post had me laughing and nodding my head more times than i would like to! on the nose again, Frances. Hurray to sweaty, stinky babies and not-so-good mommies! hehe.

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  12. YOU ARE SOOO NORMAL!
    I had all those moments and thoughts that you wrote up there, and more!
    I also posted about the realities of being a SAHM/WAHM, check it out if you still have time :)

    Cheers to REAL moms like you!

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  13. Hi, I'm Martine, and I'm an imperfect mommy, despite my quest for organic food, LOL! Perfection is a myth, but motherhood is reality, and reality is stinky, sweaty, and fugly most times. Still, who'd want a perfect kid, right? I don't want a robot for a child, I want a flesh & blood, decision-making, mischievous little boy who keeps me busy all day!

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  14. What a refreshing post, Mommy Frances. I don't sterilize either, and I bathe the babies with Safeguard, and yes, I can't work without a yaya in the house. What terrible mommies we are. Good thing our children don't think so. (Yes, I'm sure of that.)

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  15. Thanks thanks! I'm glad that a lot of mommies were able to relate to me!

    My kid's yaya would like to tell y'all, however, that Vito is NOT a sweaty, stinky baby. She is very offended I said that. So I apologize. I have the sweetest smelling baby in the world! My mistake, my mistake. =)

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  16. i love the line "He's a handful but we survive each other!" its so true for me and my son too!

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  17. of all your posts, Ms. F, this is my fave. i sooooooooo agree and am glad to know people feel this way too! :)



    ps
    my 18month old loves the dark chocolate i let him taste when his dada's not looking (hey its healthier that milk chocolate right?)

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  18. Trisha_cm, I love this line from Modern Family: "Don't worry. Babies are designed to survive new parents." =)

    Nadineayban, ay, you're a better mommy! I give him flattened M&Ms! =)

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  19. Hi! First time here. I've heard a lot about this site and I must say, I wasn't disappointed.

    You're right on about being a mom. Being one is not that all too sweet, flowery and full of good music. I thought so before I got married. I love kids but I've learned first hand how much sacrifice my mom gave to me (and I've come to understand it now). It's not hard, it's challenging. And we always learn from our mistakes. At the end of the day, we still love our mini-me - and yes, even if they stink after pupu-ing.

    Thanks for sharing this! :)

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  20. Thanks for dropping by, Patty =D

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  21. I love this post because I can totally relate. I am not a perfect mom but my kids love for being one :). I pinch, spank, shout and nag especially when I came home from work exhaused and they misbehave. my daughter once asked me "Mama, love mo pa rin ba kami kahit makulit kami" I responded with a loud "Of course, Yes. love na love ko kayo.

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  22. yes i do agree! mom like us we are human too,we get tired and angry sometimes but it doesnt lessen how we love our kids!

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This is all pretty new to me so please feel free to share your mommy wisdom!