Friday, July 15, 2011

Can't I just love him?

I've been a mommy for just 11 months and 2 days so I don't really know a lot about motherhood. When the TV show MOMents asked me to dispense advice to mommy viewers, I confessed I have no advice but that I only follow one rule: To respond with love always.

Meanwhile, I get a ton of tips on how to raise my son, most of them seems to be to hold him at arm's length because love will spoil him. I've been told that breastfeeding makes the child clingy so I should stop. Letting the baby sleep with us in bed will ruin our marriage. When I cradle him in my arms and dance and sing him to sleep, I get warned that he'll be a brat and will never learn to sleep on his own.

He already squirms away from kisses and hugs =(
You know, I appreciate all the advice but I just can't do it. I want to breastfeed him, to nurture him and comfort him. I want us all to cuddle in bed because Vince and I work all day and we only have Vito at night. I want to sing to him till I'm hoarse, dance with him till my hips hurt. If that's what makes him happy. If that's what makes him feel loved.

I don't know if I'm wrong, I don't know if I'll regret all this one day. Maybe I will but I sure hope not. Because I only have a small window of time with Vito and one day too soon he'll not want to be with mama and papa anymore. He'll want to sleep in his own bed, lock the door. He'll turn up the music loud to drown us out. He'll want to be on his own, which is only right and what should be, and as his parent, I will help him be on his own.

But until that day comes, let me love my boy.

13 comments:

  1. hi Frances. I've been told the same thing but never followed them :) Kids grow up so fast so I just try to grab the opportunity now while my 6-year old still doesn't squirm when I shower him with kisses!

    I'm not an expert but I think you're doing a good job :)

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  2. I love this post. It's so honest and emotional. I agree with the above commenter -- I think you're doing a great job.

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  3. I've been a mom for two and half years now and I've got a lot of advice from all people around me. I used to feel bad when I failed to follow what I was told to do. But then I realize not all those tips work for me and my daughter. I can be pretty strict and lax at the same time. She sleeps with us on bed, sleeps at her own time, and a lot of things that other parents think would be hard to undo in the future. But to each its own. Right now I just like to baby my baby when she's a baby.;)

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  4. F, naiyak ako. Grabe.

    Being a SAHM/sometimes-WAHM, I get to spend a lot of time with S. Which BURNS ME OUT. I always have this need to escape and have me-time. I indulge myself with an hour away from her to feel better and can't help but feel like I'm missing out on a lot (like sleep, adult-time, and haircuts) by spending so much time with S.

    Pero you know what? You're right. Our babies won't always be babies. They'll eventually "outgrow" us - and it's both a painful and beautiful thing about growing up. I dread and look forward to that day.

    But for now, I say "go ahead, burn me out S" because getting burnt out from time to time is nothing compared to a lifelong feeling of regret ...regret for not spoiling S with my love while she still openly yearned it.

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  5. Love this post. I also do whatever works for us regardless of what people tell me.

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  6. Same here! Once, I was told not to carry our eldest so he can "exercise his lungs". Preposterous!

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  7. thanks for this post, soooo relate! one of my lolas always has this sort of advice for us. even let the baby sleep on his/her own daw! then I read somewhere that when a babies soothes themselves to sleep that means they have lost all hope that they will be picked up by the mommy so they just try to comfort themselves! So sad and heartbreaking :( since then I resolved not to listen to that old-school, "be distant to your child" school of advice. they grow up so fast so I'm going to enjoy it and be there while they need me!

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  8. Thanks everybody! And good job to all of you too! I do understand the whole point of the "distance yourself from the child." It's so they become strong and tough in a world that is so evil.

    But I want to think that Vito will already have to face such cruelty in life anyway so he might as well know that with his mama and papa, all is safe and well and good, right?

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  9. Loved your one rule: "To respond with love always". It may be a rule to you but its the best advice ever on motherhood. :)

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  10. It's the best advice on everything. It's a very Christian attitude, I like to think. Hard to practice though!

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  11. Don't you just hate it when people give you unsolicited advice on parenting?

    Yup, make the most of your time with your kid. Before you know it, he'll be leaving the nest.

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  12. It's okay =) I've learned to just say thanks to whatever people say.

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  13. this reply is a couple of years late for this blog entry but as a new mother, what you wrote about is my present. :) i struggled with the whole 'don't hold him too much too often' thing too, to the point that i actually felt guilty when i held my son. thankfully, i've learned to just go with my gut, which means i hold him as much as i want to now (and as much as my arms can. my son is a giant baby! haha!). i think it makes both of us happier. :)

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This is all pretty new to me so please feel free to share your mommy wisdom!