Thursday, March 29, 2012

Finally nesting

I didn't feel any nesting when I was pregnant the first time around. Then, at about two weeks before I gave birth, I finally got a yaya, got her room ready, prepared my hospital bag, and went out and bought a crib. That wasn't nesting, though--that was suddenly realizing that the show was about to start and I can't dilly-dally any longer.

With Wiggle, I thought I'd feel the same way, especially since there's nothing to prepare really since we already have Vito's things. It was actually Vince who was nesting--he really wants a carpenter to fix up the house, have a professional wash all the curtains, etc. I took note of all his wishes and promised him I will get to it as soon as I am up to it. See? No nesting at all.

But surprise, surprise! This week, I finally felt it. Actually, I felt its full force hit me, because in hindsight, it's been creeping up on me all along. I think it began in late January, with the Moses basket, which I bought a few days after I wrote that post. Then I suddenly started selling and giving away things around February because I wanted to (1) make space for the new arrival and (2) make money for the inevitable costs a new baby comes with. Then this month, when Ethan Allen had its design contest and I saw a chance to have my dream bedroom setup for my family, I joined.

This week was when the withdrawal emotions hit. If you have a pet mommy cat or mommy dog (or watch Nat Geo at least), you'd know what I mean. You know how when an animal is about to give birth, it goes into hiding? Well, that's how I'm feeling now--I want to stop all forms of communication with the outside world, hide in the bedroom and wait in silence. It's driving me crazy because of course I still have magazine work, blogging responsibilities and other societal obligations!

Not just that, sometimes, I even feel like hiding away from Vito! I just want to be alone with Wiggle and prepare for his arrival. I just want everything to be utterly quiet for my little baby. And since that is completely impossible, I'm going nuts. I am dreading post-partum depression because, having gone through it before, I recognize it with alarm. I am already feeling its cold, sad fingers, yes even now when I haven't even given birth yet.      

I do feel joy and anticipation for Wiggle. In fact, I can't stand the excitement! I want to see him and hold him! But I also feel sadness that I can't welcome him the way I want to--quietly, secretly. I think I feel this way because Wiggle's life started so precariously. I bled so much, until the fourth month. I never knew if he was going to stick around or go. This pregnancy was emotionally draining. Plus, there's stress from everywhere! I feel like my baby is threatened by all these outside stresses. And I guess that's what makes me so protective of Wiggle.

Protective or not, I know I won't be able to have the secret birth I want anyway. I am already dreading the fanfare, the pressures of social media announcements, the obligations of a religion I am not a member of. As the due date approaches, I get more excited. I also get sadder because I know I can't escape the inevitable. I just can't. People won't understand.

Did anyone else feel this way? Did you want to have a quiet birth and savor your sweetheart and keep him all to yourself? Or does every expectant mother in the world want to throw a huge party as soon as they pop out the baby?


  1. Hi Mommy! A week before i gave birth to my son, I had a strong urge to clean the house and rearrange everything. I really don't know basta parang hindi ako mapakali and ayos ako ng ayos ng mga gamit nya. hehe... I think normal naman un nesting stage in different ways.

    God bless and have a safe delivery mommy!

    Mommy Maye here from Momaye's Diary (

  2. Thanks for sharing these thoughts! Makes me feel I am not alone with pregnancy woes.

    I've been feeling a lot of guilt since the beginning of this pregnancy because I'm not as excited as I was with my first. I also worry that taking care of a newborn baby would take away time from my first born. I am even thinking of moving my C/S schedule to a later date just so I can be with him for his first day of classes in preschool!

    I'm 7 months on the way and like you, I haven't felt the urge to nest/prepare. The most I did was to sort through my toddler's old baby clothes to see which ones I can still use.

    Logically, I should be more concerned with the new baby since she needs me more but I just worry so much about my little dumpling!

  3. When I gave birth 5 years ago, I told everyone not to visit me in the hospital. Only my immediate family dropped by and it was nice that I didn't have to entertain anyone or worry how I looked. I could just focus on what I had to do as a new mom. When I was home and ready to receive visitors, that's when I invited people to come over.

    One of my closest friend also told me not to visit her in the hospital when she gave birth. She said she didn't feel like entertaining and I was ok with it bec I knew how it felt. She appreciated it that I gave her that space bec other friends kept on dropping by even if she already told them not to.

    It's your personal time for you and your baby. You should be able to do as you please. I think just be honest with people so they can appreciate where you're coming from. And if you announce or tweet, maybe better to do it when you're home already.

  4. I get what you mean, Frances. I sort of felt the same way with our second, Therese. And I totally get the post-partum thing! I realized I had post-partum depression with Timothy, our eldest, when he was already a bit older. I didn't want to go out of the room and interact with anyone! It was pretty challenging esp. since we were on mission that time, and all our Timorese members were so excited to see me and the new baby! I'll be praying for you and all your concerns. In the end though, I believe you have the right to deal with your pregnancy and birth and the days after the way you (and Vince) deem best. :) Godbless you in everything, esp. your birth, Wiggle's safety and all the adjustments you'll have to make! And Vito, too, that he'll adjust and cope well. :)

  5. A few days before I gave birth to my second son, I was cooking like crazy for my husband and our eldest son. I had to make sure that they have everything they might want to eat since I won't be able to cook for them right away after we have the baby.

    I also requested my husband not to tell anyone except for our parents that I've given birth. We informed everyone else after we got home and told them we'll see them after the entire family has rested and bonded.

  6. Frances, I feel you! My 1st pregnancy at 22 I was already considered high risk. Same with you I was bleeding too until I was told to slow down! I grew like a whale and felt like it too. Since I was home I ironed, folded, re-folded my sons clothes 6x a day for a month! I was bored and confined but loved the feeling of crisp clothes!

    For my 2nd baby I pretty much risked my life. I wanted a sibling for Noah so badly that despite breaking my pelvic bone because of the baby's position, I took on 6 mos bed rest to keep her alive. I nested quietly in our bedroom and grew like a whale again! That was the time where weekly I had a check up to see if the baby was actually alive! Until I was 8mos and had emer c-sec because there was no more fluid inside, all gone! Post partum kicked in pretty early for me! It was so hard trying for the 2nd baby having lost 2babies ahead of her!

    My doctor was great however because she saw what I was going thru at such a young age she was somewhat ready for this type of onsets. We had our weekly talks, she made turned around when it weighing time! I was 110 lbs pre pregnancy when I was last weighed I was 180lbs! She said great all the time! I was not allowed to walk at all! But after Naiya was born. Doctor decided to tie me up good, no more babies for me despite being only 27 at the time. Boy & girl. Im really thankful!


This is all pretty new to me so please feel free to share your mommy wisdom!