Friday, April 13, 2012

How do I deal with a newborn and a toddler?!

This is a knocked up me at 34 weeks (I'm 35 weeks today) and that's a knocked out Vito, who is 20 months old today (it's Friday the 13th! Same as the day Vito was born. It's a lucky day!). By this time next month, he'll be a big brother. And I'll be a mommy to a newborn and a toddler who isn't even 2 years old.

Who is this woman?! Wasn't I the one who kept insisting I'll never have kids? In a few weeks, I'll have 2 under 2!

Lately, I've been having mini panic attacks. My thoughts go something like this: "Poor Vito. Once the baby comes, I won't have time for him. No, I'll make more time for him! But then... poor Wiggle! It's bad enough that he'll be sleeping in a cradle, separate from me, while Vito had always co-slept with me and Vince. So maybe I should just insist that Vito sleep in his bed. But then... Poor Vito!" Etc, etc.

I want to give Wiggle what we gave Vito--tons and tons of physical affection and attention. But Vito had the benefit of being the only child. Now we'll have to learn how to divide our time between our sons and still be 100% devoted to each. How on earth are we going to do that?! Panic attack! Help me, mommies!!!

15 comments:

  1. So understand you. Will it help if you plan and get extra help (grandparents for example) so you can spend enough time with each?

    Here's how a single mom copes with raising her 2 kids under 2:

    http://www.babycenter.com/0_secrets-of-successful-moms-raising-two-under-2-and-working-t_10346301.bc

    Hope you find it helpful and good luck!

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  2. Know what, I have been in your situation. And to be honest, there really is no golden rule. You're lucky, as well as me, because we have husbands (naks!) that are supportive. I believe Vito is an intelligent young man, and for sure he will understand that mom has to attend to the epneeds of wiggle. And if wiggle is fast asleep, you could attend to Vito. Know what you're a multi-tasker as a working woman, you could multi-task as well as a mom. Just follow your gut-feel. You are the only person in the entire world, who will know what is best for your boys...good luck, as my sisteret tells me, carry mo yan...

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  3. My older boy was almost 3 when my baby boy was born last June. It helped a lot that my mom came to help me. When I was busy with the baby which was almost all the time since Im breastfeeding, my mom or hubby would take care of my older boy rayden. And when baby Reis would sleep instead of napping with him I would play with rayden and I dropped off and picked him up in school. Rayden needed more attention I found after the baby came. The baby is now 10 months and I think it's been pretty good, we got our routine down pat. It will be a challenge in the beginning but I'm sure you'll find something that works out for everyone. We live in Hawaii and there's no nannies here and both our families are in Canada but we've managed pretty well, I don't know about a third baby though lol.

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  4. We're on the same boat! My little boy will be 22mos when I give birth in September. I don't know how I'll deal with it. My son still breastfeeds and is very "territorial" with me. He gets pissed off whenever I get lambing with his 4yo ate :(

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  5. Dear Frances,

    LOVE your blog. Its so refreshing and so honest. I'm a mom to twin girls just turned 2 yesterday. (yehey!) so like you, I'm a mom to 2 "just turned 2" kids. And they have both hit their terrible 2's at the same time. :)

    When i heard that i was going to have twins, my worry also that i would not have enough time and devotion to care for each one. How would i ever do it? How could i love 2 at the same time? Would there be enough love? And 2 years into the game..i still don't know half of the answers to my questions but i do know this. THERE IS ENOUGH LOVE.

    Jealousy occurs with my twins. There comes a time when I'm holding one and the other one suddenly wants my attention too. And now that they are older, they constantly fight for some attention from me and their dad. the solution? i make time for each one. I usually take one kid with me to go on errands, or work, or sleep with me in the afternoon so that they feel that they have my 100% attention. And when that's done. I switch.

    Its not a perfect solution sometimes. Sometimes i don't get to pay attention to one and the jealousy shows. I try and i fail sometimes but sometimes there are also good days.

    So, don't be afraid. You can do it. Just love them and that will be enough.

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  6. hey Frances!

    i don't have the experience of having more than 1 kid but i'm pretty sure you'll be just fine. You did great with Vito and I'm sure you'll do even better with Wiggle (because you have the experience to back it up already). praying for your safe and healthy delivery and excited to see your Wiggle too!

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  7. I had my second daughter when my first was also barely 2 years old. From what I've observed and talked about with other mommies, the second child usually arrives to considerably less fanfare. =) Maybe because we've invested so much emotions into the birth of the firstborn, and also because we already know what to expect this time around. Pansinin mo, the second child usually has less pictures and most of his clothes are hand me downs =) Anyway, about your concerns, let me just say that mothers have a way of adapting to new situations. It will be challenging, but we have this built-in ability to make do with whatever life presents us. Whether it be the birth of a new sibling, new responsibilities or whatever. So just go with the flow and leave your worries to God. You'll find that most of your fears are actually unfounded. God bless!

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  8. Hey mommy Topaz! Although my two kids are 10 years apart, I also went through that panic attack before having my little girl. My eldest had been the only boy for 10 years - how would he deal with the new sister? Would I be able to love my new baby the way I did my eldest? Plus, I also had to deal with meltdowns and the emotional issues of my son - one breakdown happened the day I left for the hospital to get induced! But I'm glad to say that:
    - It's true what they say that your love increases with each child. Parang na-mumultiply yung capacity mo to care for each kid and given them both what they need, at the moment they need it.
    - The eldest adjusted agad to the new sister, but it helped that he was older (and more rational). It may be different in your situation with a toddler.
    - That said, it *is* a handful! Especially since our lives had gone in such a routine for so long and now it's majorly disrupted. The good news is that we all get used to it and deal with it as each day comes. To quote one of my mom friends, "Difficult is the new normal."
    You can do it! Cheering you and Wiggle and the family on. :D

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  9. Hi Frances! Been a reader & Twitter follower of yours for quite sometime now and just like you, I'm also pregnant- 20 weeks with a 26 month old daughter. As early as now, I've been having the same mini heart attacks, mostly at night which is another reason why I can't sleep well. Been co-sleeping with our daughter Gabbie too so almost every night I keep on thinking how wawa the other one would be if the newborn comes out. How I've often times talked to my husband how we should share the load of dividing attention as we soon become parents for two. I'm almost halfway through my pregnancy but it has been inevitable for me to not over think and imagine future scenarios with a toddler & newborn in tow. So I'll just say good luck to you and me. Hey, if we managed it the first time, I think we can do so the second time around. Yun nga lang weird coz in my case, everything feels brand new and the paranoia I feel is twice stronger than with my first. Weird! Anyway, God bless you lovely family! :)

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  10. Advance congratulations to you and Vince...and Vito! :)
    I can't wait to see the new Sales in the house!

    I did not co-sleep with my eldest, he did not latch so I was not able to breastfeed. He started sleeping in his own bed at 18 months, w/ yaya in his room. He's 8 now and sleeping on his own. Easy transition. With my second, I breastfed and co-slept for 18 months. She's 5 now, stil clingy at times, and still having a difficult time sleeping on her own bed. So there's my story.
    Do what feels right for you Frances. You know Vito the best and maybe he can transition to sleeping on his own now. :) Good luck and wish you the best as always!

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  11. Gael and Aiden are 20 months apart. My worry when I was pregnant was that I wouldn't love Aidenas much as Gael. How could I? I loved Gael more than anything in the universe. But when he was born my heart grew and made room for little Aiden.

    Surviving with two below two isn't that hard. It was actually easier. I was calmer and more confident. I didn't feel like a zombie, I survived on less sleep. I had no help at home but I ran a tight schedule. Everything was followed or my whole day was ruined. Including my 10:30 bedtime.

    Kaya mo yan!

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  12. Minchie SyQuimsiamApril 14, 2012 at 12:04 AM

    I may not be a mommy...(yet!) but my mom always told me na she had worries too when she was pregnant with me then my kuya was just starting out preschool and she doesn't know how she'll divide her time, pero nawala lahat ng worries niya because she saw na even though she and my dad can't give me all the attention that they've given to my kuya when he was still a baby, I still have this extra special attention that is from my kuya, we grew up to be the best of friends! and even with our younger sibs :)

    PS. Vito is such a cutie! God bless Ms. Frances!

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  13. Hello Frances. I have a 2 yr 4 mo old toddler and a 7 mo old baby. It was definitely a struggle. But my husband's been quite supportive. My toddler is more attached to her Dad so every time she fusses when we pick up the baby, I just tell my husband to take care of the toddler while I take care of the baby. Both kids have to be taken care of, but it doesn't always have to be you taking care of both. Share the load. You need all the help you can get. I was a work-at-home-mom for a year so I could focus on my pregnancy and subsequently have a smoother transition managing two kids. I'm going back to work full time next week and we'll be relying more on nannies now. I also will be enrolling my toddler in playgroup earlier than planned so she'll at least be occupied and with other kids for part of the day.

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  14. Hi Frances, I'm also due on May 18 and like you I have plenty of questions on what to do with a newborn and a toddler. My 3 year old girl now understands that she has a baby sister coming but i can't help thinking if I can give the same love and attention to the new baby.. We are planning go give her a baby alive doll once the new baby comes out so she could understand how to take care of a baby.
    Hay Naku even right now I'm very anxious and don't know what to do! Good thing you're asking the same question... Have a safe delivery!

    Mac

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  15. Wow. Thanks so much, mommies! I know I can do this since there are billions of mommies throughout history who raised multiple children successfully. Still, it's so very overwhelming! You ALL inspire me =)

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This is all pretty new to me so please feel free to share your mommy wisdom!