Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Birthday thoughts

I'll be 36 years old in 8 days!

I have a great marriage, two beautiful children, a lovely home, a passion in writing that actually pays the bills (despite what everyone told me!). My life is amazing.

But... this year hasn't been easy. I had a very delicate pregnancy. I bled often, up until the fourth month. It came to a point where I emotionally distanced myself from Wiggle so that if I lost the baby, I wouldn't feel so bad.

Then my bag business was a huge source of stress. Maybe that contributed to the constant bleeding, I don't know, but killing the bag business was the right decision. Work hasn't been easy either. I won't talk about my job but wow... All I can say is it's been really tough this year.

At home, well, Vito's first yaya left us due to a family emergency. I was still bleeding and on bed rest that time but because of the sudden yaya departure, I had to get up and take care of Vito. Thank goodness that Baby Wiggle wasn't harmed even though I went against doctor's orders. We got a yaya three weeks later but she turned out to be a major pain in the ass and then a monster. We fired her and hired new yayas a few weeks later. But we had to let go of them, too, because their medical tests showed they both had TB. It took us another few weeks (and by this time, I had already given birth to Iñigo!) to find a new yaya.

All those times we didn't have household help, Vince and I were exhausted to tears. I remember this one time when I had to chase after Vito to wash his butt because he pooped and he was so quick and I was so pregnant and I just couldn't take it anymore. I sat down on the floor and just sobbed. It wasn't just Vito that upset me—it was my life. I was really in a dark place early this year and I soldiered bravely on, but that day, with my uncooperative Vito, I had to just let it all out. I was so overwhelmed. I felt that my life seemed to be crashing around me.

I think I bawled for 5 minutes straight. I was so tired and upset. Vito, then just 17 months old, slowly approached me and after staring at me, hugged me then took my hand and led me to the bathroom where he lifted up his shirt and pointed to his butt, all with a big smile on his face. And a ray of light shone through my fog of misery!

This year had been extremely difficult. I don't really talk about it on my blogs but I'm sure you have an idea since I did mention my troubles now and then. This year had been a big mess for me emotionally and I realize now that it's because God was forcing me to set my house in order. I've made some big decisions as a result. Huge decisions! Can't talk about them yet but I will, I will. Soon!

For now, all I can say is my 35th year was stunning in its triumphs and tribulations. I think my 36th year will be much better. Waaaaaay better. I can't wait to see what happens next!

6 comments:

  1. hi Ms. Frances:)!!! it's been quite a year indeed for you and Sir Vince--but despite all that..you weathered through it all:)

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  2. WOW! It's amazing how you went through all that during your pregnancy. But look at you now, you have a very wonderful family, and your youngest boy is super cute! God works in mysterious ways, no?

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  3. Wishing you lots and lots of blessings and happiness this year, F! So many has happened but happiness is most deserved after tribulations, as they say. Hugs!

    Love,
    T.

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  4. Advance happy birthday Frances! Your little boys are so adorable. Good luck with the Huge decisions! =)

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  5. Sweet naman ni Vito. Napaka intuitive din ng mga bata talaga. Glad you're finally seeing the silver lining after the storms. God bless you and your family Frances!

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  6. You are a strong lady. We're not that close (yet) but on our one serious conversation a couple of months ago, I finally understood where you were coming from during those difficult times mid-way through this year. I remember thinking what a tough cookie you are, too! Know this: Whatever you've gone through, it's going to bless others, somehow! That's written in the Bible: "For this slight affliction is producing for us an eternal GLORY." That's the awesome thing about your blog, because even if you don't talk about the "icky" stuff, you still stay true to who you are, and it blesses us, your readers. Happy, happy birth-month! :)

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This is all pretty new to me so please feel free to share your mommy wisdom!