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I wasn't going to talk about my resolutions as a mother because resolutions tend to reveal one's weaknesses. As a mother, I do have tons of things to improve—most are kinda silly, like, I hope to be a hot momma by Christmas next year haha—but listing them down makes me sad and guilty. But my blog sponsor Green Cross asked me to talk about what I need to change this year and so I sat down and really thought about it. After a few seconds (and mostly because Vince just got mad at me for this), I instantly knew what needed to change. Here it is:
Vito's really into saying "I love you" these days. He'd suddenly hug Vince or me and say, "I love you, Mama," or "I love you, Papa." And when we tell him we love him, he'd quickly reply, "I love you, too!"
Vince told him one day, "I'm going to keep telling you I love you, Vito. If there's one thing I learned from your Mama, it's to always tell the person you love that you love them."
Between the two of us, Vince is the one who's reserved with verbalizing his affections. Meanwhile, I say how I feel all the time. "You look great," "You're so hot," "I miss you," "I want a hug," "Let's kiss," "I love you," are words that pour out of my mouth daily.
Vince is better at showing his love. He makes sure life is easy for me, he takes care of me, he takes care of the kids when I'm too tired, he takes care of our house when there's a leak, a frame that needs to be put up, a loose tile, a spot on the couch. He supports my every good decision and steers me into the right ones when I'm being stupid. He is constant in showing his love; I'm not so consistent with the showy part of loving as a wife and as a mother. While some people find it difficult to confess their feelings, I find it easy. It's the proving by deed that I find hard.
That's why I hope to be a better servant this year because true love demands service, and serving others is not really my specialty. Okay, it's not as bad as it sounds. Like, I don't make my kids do the chores while I sit and watch TV, or I don't let Vince do everything. I enjoy being a mother and a wife and it's a joy for me to make my family happy, but there are also lots of times I'm just too tired and I get short with them or yell at the kids or ignore my husband or feel sorry for myself when I've only had 4 hours of sleep. Those times, I really don't feel very loving.
|They are the ones I love most in the world so I should serve them!|
Which makes me feel horrible when people tell me I'm such an amazing mother. I hear it all the time and of course I say, "Thanks!" I don't know if it's because people think I "gave up" my career for my kids (I didn't, really), or because I don't have a yaya or maid, or because I talk about my happiness all the time. But, look, if you had my husband and my kids, you'd be happy, too. They make marriage and motherhood so easy.
That's why when I'm being lazy, I am filled with guilt. Sometimes I pray, "Father God, I don't deserve my husband and children and yet You have blessed me with them. Please give me Your wisdom and patience and love so that I may be worthy of the trust You gave me when You gave me Vince, Vito and Iñigo."
This year, my mommy resolution is to truly serve my husband and kids. That's the real proof of love and I want my family to not just hear me tell them I love them, I want them to experience it, too. Every moment of every single day. That will take superhuman effort! That's why I need God to give His super love powers!
How about you, mommy? What's your resolution? Happy New Year! May God help us mommies be the best mommies to our beloved kiddies!
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