Friday, August 15, 2014

Parenting can be depressing

If there's any good to come out of the sad death of Robin Williams, it's that people are now talking about depression. My husband and I did. I asked him if he was okay. After all, we just had our third child, the hospital bill went surprisingly over budget, he's facing new chapters in his career, I'm also about to sign contracts for new work but we still don't have a yaya so we're up to our eyeballs taking care of our kids and unable to take care of our work (ergo, how can we make money if we're too busy taking care of our kids?). These can be quite overwhelming. In fact, we are overwhelmed! People tell us all the time how amazing we are to have careers, manage our household and raise our kids all by ourselves. Thanks, everyone, but we are not having an easy time at this at all. Some days can get really... sad.

So I had to ask Vince if he was okay, and ask it like I really mean it, you know? He said he was fine, thank goodness. But I think we should look after each other, and do so more closely. It's easy to get caught up in the urgency of kids' needs that we forget to look after our own. Then we are spent, giving and giving from a place that is drained and devoid of nurturing.

I honestly think Vince and I are there—with three kids, suddenly we can't breathe. We can hardly find the time to eat, sleep, shower. We can't even find time to talk to each other. We're always running around the house, running after kids, preventing accidents, washing dishes and clothes and butts, giving baths, making milk, settling fights, soothing cries. If we do find a little window of time, we cram in work (so please forgive me if I only do sponsored posts on both blogs since this non-sponsored post is rare).

Parenting is an incredibly isolating and exhausting job. And you can never ever quit it or even take a vacation from it or even blink dammit! The one time you blink, look away, step out of the room, that's when the kids get into an accident. Guaranteed. It's insane how we parents need to be on all the time. Even when we're asleep, we're never really off. One small cough from our kids and we are roused from our own slumber.

Oh, but don't worry about us! We're not unhappy. Tired, yes, but we're happy. We still have the ability to see how blessed we are to have three beautiful, healthy, smart and wonderful boys. We have each other and we're doing this parenting thing together. We have a lovely (now suddenly cramped!) home. And we also both know that this stage goes by so quickly. In a few months, a few years, we'll be able to breathe again. So there's something to look forward to!

But many parents are often sinking into despair. Many stay-at-home moms feel lonely, missing adult interaction. Many working moms feel guilt. Many fathers fear failure and buckle under the pressure to provide. If you are feeling depressed, make sure to talk about it with your spouse, your family, your friends. Don't be ashamed to admit how you feel. Some people will tell you that "we all go through shit" and "you better get on with the program." No sympathy there. But some people will empathize and help and listen and give a hug. Sometimes all we really need is a hug.

Here's more about depression:

Remember to ask about each other, moms and dads! And listen, really listen. Parenting is the most awesome job in the world but we all face overwhelming aspects of it, so let's be kind to ourselves and take care of each other. Hugs!

Strength from God's Word: "When I am overwhelmed, You alone know the way I should turn." Psalm 142:3 (NLT)

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  1. I am in the same boat Frances. You can go through all the crazy feels that comes with parenting and might easily dismiss depression and say "I can't be depressed now, my life is much too busy for it and I have kids to look after. So selfish of me to think about myself and this perpetual sadness." But it is real, it can bite back hard if we are not careful. I appreciate this post because it is a common concern for parents but we are too ashamed or exhausted to process it all. So here's a virtual hug...I understand how you feel because I am there (except that I have 2 boys and you have 3 :)) and I'm glad to know I'm not alone in this. :) Blessings!

    1. You're right about the feeling ashamed! We're supposed to feel grateful and happy, and to feel otherwise—feeling tired, lonely, sad, afraid—is frowned upon because, well, to be a parent is a blessing. And it is! But it's not always easy!

  2. Virtual hugs for you and your lovely family. Though you are in a difficult time, I wish more patience and blessings to you and your husband.

  3. i thought ako lang ang naka-experience how parenting can be depressing at times. This is a good read. I like the part when you said something about being tired but happy.

  4. I have two boys and yayas and still feel overwhelmed at times. I can only imagine what you and Vince are going through in this season of your life. Kudos to you two! Take care. :)

  5. This is soo true, Frances! Thank you for the virtual hugs! :) I'm giving you some, too *hugs*

  6. Big hug Frances! You are doing a great job and an inspiration to many!

  7. You are an inspiration to many moms! Praying that everything will be better soon. Hugs to you, mommy!

  8. You are one inspiring woman, wife, and mother. I am a working mom of 2 boys and I admit that I feel isolated and exhausted most times. I feel blessed to have the opportunities that I have and yet I find myself still feeling sad sometimes. Like you, I talk to my husband about my sadness - among other bright and positive things, of course - and I am lucky that he is my solid rock. THANK YOU for reminding us that the years to come are indeed something to look forward to, and to keep looking at the bright side. I always turn to your blogs for inspiration and sometimes, for comfort, that even the best of us women sometimes get tired and blue.

    I am raising ny wine glass to you, your husband, and your boys. Keep being a great team and more blessings to you and your loves. ��

    1. I love that you have a wine glass =) I'm also looking forward to that day I can have a little wine again!!! Bless you and yours, too!

  9. Thanks for ALL the virtual hugs, mommies! =D


This is all pretty new to me so please feel free to share your mommy wisdom!