Saturday, October 10, 2015

Struggling with mommy blogging

Hi to all my dear mommy readers!

I know I've been sporadic here on Topaz Mommy. I've been blogging over at my other blog, the original one, the lifestyle one, Topaz Horizon. But to be very honest, I'm blogging less as a mommy blogger because I'm up to my eyeballs in motherhood—and yes, that should be the best reason to continue mommy blogging!—but I can't understand how to go about this!

It's been a struggle really. Three kids is a lot. A TodayMoms.com study showed that three kids is the most stressful number of kids to have. One or two, great. Four or more, great. Three? Crazy! So I should have another one, right? Oooh boy, I would love to have another baby but I'm turning 39 in a month. I'm done.

Lookin' for trouble? You've come to the right place.

While I would love to talk about how amazing I am as a mommy, I can't because I'm not. I yell every day. I didn't yell before! I was such a peaceful parent. How on earth did I do that? Well, for one, I didn't have three kids a few years ago haha. And I had a really good trick to prevent yelling: Establish contact with your child. Go to your child, get down physically to his level (kneel in front of him), look him in the eye, and tell him what you need to say. This is such a good tip, moms and dads! But now that I have three kids, I can't do it! For example, I'm in the bathroom washing one son's butt and then I hear a mighty crash in the living room. What do I do? Do I leave the pooping child to rush to the destroyer child, kneel in front of him and gently talk? Nope. I yell all the way from the bathroom, "WHAT HAPPENED?!?"


This is a stage in my being a mother that I want to forget. But this also happens to be the exact same stage in motherhood that I know I'll cherish forever. My beautiful boys, so curious, smart, talkative (they don't stop talking at all), active, makulit, malambing, ma-usyoso, matanong... These are the exact same reasons why they exasperate me. The exact same reasons I love them so very much. Dear God, help me be a better mother!

All these emotions! So giggly one minute, upset the next. Exhausted and exhilarated at the same time. Grateful for my life at breakfast, weeping with guilt and feelings of inadequacy by dinner. I feel like I'm going crazy. Laughing and crying in the space of an hour! Paano ba 'to? I hate being so emotional because I don't want my kids to see me so emotional. I want them to see Mama has it all under control. Mama is one cool cucumber, all rainbows and sunshine, a gentle stream in the chaos of life that they can come to for refreshment and calm.

Gentle stream. More like raging river.

My homies.

Okay. So now I want to delete this post because it's so honest and I don't want people to know I'm not a hundred percent wonderful to my wonderful boys. Okay, fine, they're not wonderful a hundred percent all the time either. So it's not like my meltdowns are for nothing. It's not easy being a mother to spirited boys, you know! Like, this whole defiance thing is not sitting well with me. I shouldn't be surprised because, first, children will always push boundaries as they learn about themselves, and second, they took after their parents so they're extra rebellious. And in a strange way, Vince and I are super proud that our boys are not quiet, wilting and bland. They may be a handful now but we can't wait for them to blaze trails, defy norms, and rage and fight the way their parents did, the way we still do now.

Okay. So now I want to delete this post yet again because I just announced to the world that my kids are extra rebellious. See how strange it is to be a mommy blogger? Honesty is what fellow mom readers love because we all need to feel validated, affirmed, not alone, not insane. And yet if I let it all hang out there, I'm opening us to judgment. I mean, I don't mind being judged. Been there, done that. Roll eyes and move on. But when the kids came, I suddenly minded not for me but for them. For example, I don't mind if people call me a bitch—true or not, it doesn't matter to me. But now I certainly mind if people tell my kids their mother is a bitch. True or not, it will affect them.

And then there's privacy. I'm obviously not a very private person. I don't care if I share my whole life! It's a fantastic life—yes, even with all my gnashing about and whining! But as my kids get older, they need their privacy and I've got to respect that. I've decided that when the kids enter big school, I won't post their faces on my blogs and social media anymore. I'll also limit my stories about them. Unless of course they inherited my total lack of discretion and decide to start their own #SalesVIP YouTube channel. But until that debut happens, I have to assume they want to be private citizens.

So there. My mommy blogging woes! Do you have any? Do you share the same concerns?

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14 comments:

  1. Oh Frances! "...so curious, smart, talkative (they don't stop talking at all), active, makulit, malambing, ma-usyoso, matanong... These are the exact same reasons why they exasperate me. The exact same reasons I love them so very much."

    These are the exact words I would describe Lyndel and also the exact words I would describe how I feel. Nakakaloka and it's just so extreme. At least with you nga, you yelled when you had 3 kids na. Me I became a yeller this year. :( Im definitely following your advice on the physically going down to Lyndel's level and talk to him, not just address him from a distance when he's being so makulit.

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    1. Sigh. Maybe it's because our boys are becoming too makulit na? Yung tipong "Why? Why? Why?" and hindi na nakikinig kasi ang daming distractions like school, TV, play, etc.

      Delete
  2. Before going to an event katakot takot na orientation pakiusap "We will go to work tomorrow ha please behave" and he will reply "Yes Nanay I will behave, I will not cry" Yes true enough he is behave pero minsan na bobored siguro. We bring toys with us, 2 small robots and a minion. He is behave talaga pero yung bubulungan ka ng PR/Organizer - Ang ingay daw ng anak mo rinig sa harapan. So we ended up staying outside for 2 hours and I can't get my bag and leave. Para akong naiiyak na ewan. Dahil ba hindi ako popular? Dahil ba nag sisimula lang ako kaya bawal ang anak ko? Pero siguro kung siskat ako the PR will kiss my ass I and tell my son "Oh what's your name you're so cute you're so pogi". Sometimes nakakaiyak ang limitation na ito.

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    1. Oh no! Don't feel sorry for yourself. After all, if hindi ka sikat, they won't invite you!

      Delete
  3. Hey Frances! I read this post twice in a row. Feel na feel ko sya lol. You know, I struggle with the same issues when it comes to my blog - privacy, how my son and husband will feel about the things I write, the possibility of losing their trust when I write sorta negative things about them.

    Just yesterday, I almost died when my little guy said a sorta curse word out loud at an event when he was asked to introduce his mother. He's at that age where he thinks it sounds cool, and his friends say it, and he doesn't realize it's not right.

    I've been trying to decide if I want to write about it because I'm sure I'm not the only one who's going/gone through this phase. But then I'm stopping myself coz his friends' parents read my blog. And I don't want him to be embarrassed, coz baka they might use his story as an example to teach their own kids a lesson. Hay.

    It does get difficult as the kids get older and they understand more. And, like you, I don't want him to be overexposed. Buti nalang he doesn't really mind being in my posts.

    Guess it's okay as long as we choose wisely when it comes to which stories to share. Just enough honesty to remain authentic, but properly filtered for the sake of our loved ones. :)

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    1. Ya. It's just that sometimes we really have a good story to share! For example, the potty training stories we have were really great! But we decided not to share them kasi privacy of the boys ba. So ayan. Sayang! Maganda sana haha

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  4. Hello mommy,

    You are soo not alone on this. I understand every SINGLE THING you just said here. 😃 I only have two kids but as a single parent, I feel they're already a handful and so much to handle. Like they drive me crazy everyday. They're sweet and playful and funny, but the next minute, they're fighting and crying and I'm yelling! Waaaaa! Haha I also know how it feels about sharing this stuff. Like you, I don't mind what people think about ME , but what people think about their mom or them as my kids affect me. I, too, have mommy meltdowns and I get easily emotional at that. But after I became more socially active as a mom blogger, I learned to use humor in sharing about my family's imperfections, my kids' challenging behavior, especially with my highly spirited son.

    Also like you, I'm concerned about their privacy too, that's why lately, I try to post less of their full faces in IG. Though I still share a few on my blog. Haha

    Wow, can't help but post a long comment haha. But thank you for sharing this honest piece, many need to hear them. Including me as I always think I'm getting crazy ALONE. Lol

    This too shall pass. Hehe 😊

    Cheers,
    Rose
    mommywanders.com

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    1. Thanks, Rose! I appreciate the solidarity, especially about the crazy part! =D

      I just love mommy blogging so much until lately. I just started feeling nga that when they were babies, I can tell their stories but now that they're talking, parang I have to ask their permission first!

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  5. Hi Frances, reading your story above, I feel relieved because I know that I'm not alone. My situation is a bit different but I know how it feels when you think you're going crazy. I don't yell at my 3-year old daughter because she's the only baby I have for now but I yell a lot to my husband. I feel so guilty but what can I do? I'm a full-time working mom and no yaya (my MIL's helping us in the house though).

    As for my blogging, I am a newbie so I haven't shared much yet. But honestly, I read other mommy blogs and almost all of them post about their kids every now and then. As long as we're not sharing all details about our kids, what they like, what they hate, their important personal information then we're keeping them safe.

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    1. That's also how I feel naman except I already shared their most important personal information —their full names and birth dates when I gave birth to them! Oh well, too late too late.

      It was easy kasi before because your blog stats say only a dozen people read you. It felt safe. But now my blog stats say thousands of people follow my family's adventures. HOORAY! That really makes us feel loved. At the same time, it also feels unsafe!

      Delete
  6. I so relate. I, too, am a mom of boys. And I am so tired but happy. But the exhaustion can be overwhelming that on many occasions I forget to be gentle. Oh dear Lord, may you help us be the mothers these boys need. Hug!

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    1. Exactly! Father God, help us be the parents your little children need! Amen!

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  7. Haha! I can totally relate. It's the same even with one kid. #thestruggleisreal

    I really admire your candor, Frances. I just recently wrote about being so down the past few weeks too. I think it's important that we write our frustrations out too, not just the joys of motherhood, because it is what connects us in this sisterhood even more -- knowing we're not alone, that a fellow sister is having difficulty too, but more importantly, knowing another sister understands what you're going through and can wholeheartedly support you.

    Hugs!

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    1. Yes! That's the wonderful thing about mommy blogging! That's why even though I feel it's so scary to put ourselves out there, the love and good that we get naman, the sisterhood from all over the world, those really make this oversharing worth it =D

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This is all pretty new to me so please feel free to share your mommy wisdom!